so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
