College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
you had me at cake vodka
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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