Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize