Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
