Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize