So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
