she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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