Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
