I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
