is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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