You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
