i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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