They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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