My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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