If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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