If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
