Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
