this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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