If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
