We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
