I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
