It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
