Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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