Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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