I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
