So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize