So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
