I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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