Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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