You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize