Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
