she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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