i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize