So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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