My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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