I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
