Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
