I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Girls should come with a carfax report
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
