If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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