I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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