just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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