She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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