hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize