dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
