I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
