i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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