I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
did i walk over a car last night?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
