Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
