the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
