I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
