I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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