You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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