Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
