If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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