Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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