Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
