You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
