it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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