i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
