do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
