Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
