Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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