I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
